Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Just when you think you are getting better ...

So I thought I was really handling things well and working really hard to stay on track. Then went to see my shrink and I guess was put in my place.

I was told that as someone who has been diagnosed as bipolar 1 with psychosis my little hypomania can become full blown mania is just one day. I begged my doctor to just give me a few days to get my sleep under control. I know if I can get my sleep regulated my energy level will go down.

He said OK, increased my Ativan. And made me agree that if I don't see improvement I will go on Zyprexa. He is going to check to see if it is compatible with breastfeeding. I hated Zyprexa it made me gain a lot of water weight and made me so hungry that I ate all the time and gained a lot of weight. It took me years to lose the weight I gained on Zyprexa and Depakote.

I am so disappointed in myself. I tried so hard to stay well. And now this. I mean I know that I cannot 100% control my illness. But I did well for so long. Then I got postpartum depression and now may be hypomanic. And I know that this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't messed with my medicine and had the hormonal swings. Although my baby is 100% worth it.

I just hope that I can get better soon.
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