Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Just when you think you are getting better ...

So I thought I was really handling things well and working really hard to stay on track. Then went to see my shrink and I guess was put in my place.

I was told that as someone who has been diagnosed as bipolar 1 with psychosis my little hypomania can become full blown mania is just one day. I begged my doctor to just give me a few days to get my sleep under control. I know if I can get my sleep regulated my energy level will go down.

He said OK, increased my Ativan. And made me agree that if I don't see improvement I will go on Zyprexa. He is going to check to see if it is compatible with breastfeeding. I hated Zyprexa it made me gain a lot of water weight and made me so hungry that I ate all the time and gained a lot of weight. It took me years to lose the weight I gained on Zyprexa and Depakote.

I am so disappointed in myself. I tried so hard to stay well. And now this. I mean I know that I cannot 100% control my illness. But I did well for so long. Then I got postpartum depression and now may be hypomanic. And I know that this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't messed with my medicine and had the hormonal swings. Although my baby is 100% worth it.

I just hope that I can get better soon.

3 comments:

ffitzpat said...

Hi Rachael, I am in the process of starting a family with my partner and also have a diagnosis of bipolar. Your site inspired me to research further into other ways of maintaining mood stability. I have been well for a long time now despite being on only small doses of meds (they're being reduced for pregnancy).
You CAN regain control. I know many people who have recovered from this illness and have stayed well without meds. It's really hard work but it can be done with enough determination! You'll find your way too. All the best, fitzy x

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog looking for information on bipolar and pregnancy. I feel better already discovering your blog. I´m 30 years old, 15 weeks pregnant, bipolar 2 and stopped taking medication 8 or 9 months ago (it was a planned pregnancy). I´ve been getting worse and worse the last two months with depression, anxiety and obsessions and have honestly been feeling so shit that I´ve been thinking that this pregnancy was the worst decision I´ve ever made (and I have made many bad one´s during the years...). I think I´ve now come to the conclusion that I can go back on meds without feeling too guilty (but not without talking to my doc first of course).

Thanks a lot for all the information and tips! It´s really great you´re doing this. I hope you get better soon.

Greetings,
Alda

Rachael said...

Fitzy & Alda,

I'm glad that you found me. I hope that my experiences can be helpful to you all.

I think that my own rollercoaster has stabilized. And although I sometimes wonder if my recent episodes of depression and hypomania would have ever happened had I not gotten pregnant -- I still think having my daughter is one of the bes things I've ever done. Being a mom is wonderful -- and although being bipolar can make things more difficult -- it shouldn't be seen as an impediment to motherhood.