Sunday, October 26, 2008

Mood Swings Post-Partum

I was so happy when the depression lifted and things could get back to normal. And I was fortunate to have several good weeks ... and now things are on the upswing.

As usual the problem started with sleep. On Wednesday I got a stomach bug or food poisoning of some sort. And I didn't sleep all night ... because I was glued to the toilet. Yes, I know too much information.

I am not a good daytime napper. So I was basically up for 36 hours. Not good for me at all. Then on Thursday my baby was restless all night because of a new tooth coming in. So there are two really bad days of sleep.

And now I feel hypomanic. I only slept for 3.5 hours last night. Why? Because I couldn't turn my mind off. I was worrying about the financial crisis (I am one of those people with two houses because one has not sold), the upcoming election (I am very worried about who will be elected), the future of my consulting business (due to the economic climate I have lost two big clients in the last two months) and the state of my marriage (which is mostly strong however I am extremely irritable due to lack of sleep and the hypomania and I've begun resenting that my husband gets to sleep in and do this and that).

And now once again I feel like a failure. I promised myself that I would stay mentally stable for my daughter. I don't want her to have memories of a "crazy" mother. And now after having a few nights of bad sleep I'm getting sick. And the sad part is some of me is happy because at least I have energy to get things done -- which I have lacked the last few months because of the depression.
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